BOOM! BOOM! Is what I hear as the announcer say the Gamemakers are pulling a trick out of their sleeves. I hear a swooshing sound as I see a wave coming out of the sea like the stalk growing out of the ground from Jack and the Bean Stalk. I can now see a wave almost a mile high and that all the water was in the tsunami now and not on the ground anymore.
I hear a cannon go off as I look around and see a tribute from District 2 float on the Cornucopia and a hovercraft comes to pick up the body. I notice that there is something in the tsunami… I can’t make it out but it looks like a piranha or some type of fish with sharp, razor teeth. As I see the tsunami crash into a tree with ease I can see the flesh be ripped off a tribute from District 12. Now the tsunami is a vomit color and has steam coming out of it like a toxic gas. I see this approaching the tribute I want to win. Wait what is that he is taking an oversized coconut and is using it as a shield. Truly genius, but will it work.
Now the cameras are on a close up of the tsunami. It is so clear even glass couldn’t compare to this artificial creation. Now on the camera from the sky they show how it keeps going in circles and how 3 tributes must die until it stops, and they couldn’t have said that sooner because all I see next is horrific. A boy from District 1 gets decapitated a sword from another tribute; his head guts and brain juice are everywhere. He evaporates into nothing limb by limb, and all that is left is a few twitching bones. Now the tsunami has stopped since the toxic gas evaporated/ vaporized that boy.
I look at the camera on my lucky tribute. He pushes up the coconut shell out of his way and looks around. No longer is there an ocean but there is a tropical forest, and where the ocean used to be there is an open desert cavern where nothing but monster screams arise.
There were quite a few grammar errors, such as in the beginning, when you say “Is what I hear”. it doesn’t really flow right and should be more like “That is the sound I hear as…”. The sensory details were great, and I liked how you described the killings. You forgot some question marks such as at “Truly genius, but will it work.(?)”
I liked this piece but I think you had room for improvement. “Is what I hear” at the beginning does not seem correct, it should be something like, ‘I hear this as’ or something of that sort. I believe that the second sentence (not including the booms) was too wordy and could have been made shorter. The last sentence also seemed too wordy to me. Other than those few mistakes I liked how descriptive you were about the killings and what the wave looks like.
The first paragraph was all out of sorts. You started off with a fragment by saying “Is what I hear”. Then, your last sentence of the paragraph had too many thoughts. Plus you said “and” a lot. It wasn’t a very well-crafted sentence. However, you did start to straighten out your piece in the following paragraphs. Just make sure when you ask a question, put a question mark instead of a period. Other than that I thought this was a good piece.