One item, life or death. I think of an item to send to Blake Cooper. For him this could be the biggest moment of his life in the hunger games. My plan is to give him some of my moms muffins. Our family has a secret recipe that when eaten it will make your hunger go away, when rubbed on skin it will make cuts, bumps, rashes, etc… disappear. As I make these muffins i add the secret ingredient which makes it not only smell good, but now they are magic muffins. I know they will work since I have had them used on me before. It’s pretty ironic; I am giving someone food to cure their hunger, while they are in the hunger games. As i smell the sweet scent of the last one come out of the oven I am over joyed with my creation.
As I finish packing it up I run down the dirt street jumping and skipping with joy. I make it to the mail office with the capitals address and tell them to put it in a silver parachute for Blake Cooper. With all the new technology i run back home and find that my gift has already been received. Blake Cooper gives me a thumbs up as approval for the gift. I am pleased to find my efforts to have payed off. I am glad he enjoyed the Muffin Man’s little invention…
I liked that you made a large description about the muffins you were sending. One thing that I would change is you had lowercase ‘i’s in many sentences. I also believe that the muffins healing injuries is a bit too unrealistic. You also never said who you were or why you sent it. I did like how descriptive you were and used the tool of irony.
This was a good piece. Not your best work, but I still liked it. I’d just make sure you reread and proofread your post after it’s finished. You have way too many typos in here, typos that could easily be corrected. And this sentence makes no sense “Our family has a secret recipe that when eaten it will make your hunger go away, when rubbed on skin it will make cuts, bumps, rashes, etc… disappear.” Make it at least two different sentences.
I think the idea was good, but the writing wasn’t the best. There were many typos such as “I” lowercased. There were also some comma splices easy to find too.
Also some sensory details could have overall improved it, and figurative language always helps, but magic muffins were a good idea