Time, only if I had time. As I get lifted up the tube I can’t see. It is so bright and warm I think we are in a tropical environment. When my eyes finally adjust I notice palm trees all around. It took me a while to notice but in front of us was a marsh. All I can think of now is what is in there and how deep is it. Are there snakes, mini sharks, alligators, flesh eating piranhas, the possibilities are endless.
In the center of all the chaos I notice a silver object that is gleaming so bright I can’t look at it or I might go blind. I get my burnt eyes to focus on the inside. I can see rope, axes, swords, blow darts, and a tranquilizer gun. I think only if I could get the tranquilizer gun than it would be easy. Next I would get rope and set traps to suspend the tributes out of midair and see how long they last.
I can now feel myself shaking in the humid air as clouds form like they are right on time. I wonder if I will survive and what I should do, run in the center or turn around and hope to get a “care” package from a generous sponsor.
I make my decision that I will go for the tranquilizer gun and rope. 5….4…..3…..2…..1….GONG! I jump in running. As I run I slow down and so do all the other tributes I shortly notice that it is shallow and that the sand is creeping up everyone’s legs. All I think is get out of here and hopefully not just you but everyone because I can tell the games are going to be bad. When I arrive I see my wonderful prizes in sight, and since I am the first one there I get my stuff and go. I also grabbed a backpack that is hopefully useful. As I run off in the distant I don’t look back hoping the storm clouds don’t strike too hard.
I enjoyed the descriptiveness of your post. I also enjoyed the creativeness with the quick sand and the tranquilizer gun. However, in the first paragraph, you seem to change from present tense to past tense, every other sentence, so just watch that for next time:)
This was really well written story, Dawson. I really like how you explained your thought process of going for the tranquilizer gun before you actually did it to give the writer a good visualization of what is going on in your mind. I wish you elaborated a bit more about your 5 sences, like what it felt like, smelled like, and things you heard. That would have really given me a good visualization of the setting. I also wish you explained what the other tributes were like, by saying; “I looked around a the other tributes, all had fear in their eyes. I knew I had to out run them if I wanted to get to the cornucopia” or something like that, to give another visual of the things surrounding you. Other wise, it was really good.
This was a very good writing piece and I really liked how you added the climate of Costa Rica to your post. There were tons of sensory details and was very, very creative. You had a great attention getter also. One thing I think you can do to your next post is to use some more figurative language to make your writing become even better. Overall this was a very well written narrative, that captured the experience of waiting for the gong to sound.